Educational cruising

By Dominique Ritter

There’s cruising and then there’s cruising. And for people who prefer the latter, there’s Holland America’s ms Westerdam seven-day culinary cruise from Seattle to Alaska’s Glacier Bay. Catering to travellers with a thirst for knowledge and a hunger for foodie experiences, this trip offers a bevy of educational opportunities… and a few unexpected lessons. Here are five things I learned on the high seas:

1. The celebrity chef won’t be making me lunch.

In the ship’s Culinary Arts Center, Aaròn Sanchez, the chef of two acclaimed Manhattan restaurants and former host of the Food Network’s Melting Pot, is teaching the class to make ceviche. “You want the scallop to be the star of this dish,” he instructs the audience. “The other ingredients are supporting actors.” Sanchez is a big believer in letting the ingredients speak for themselves – “Don’t manipulate them too much” – and, as the aromas waft by, I become a big believer in his cuisine. Isn’t it almost lunch? I wonder, checking my watch. Sadly, this class is a demonstration only. When the lesson wraps, I beat a hasty retreat to the Pinnacle Grill, the ship’s five-star restaurant where discerning appetites come to be sated by Alaskan King Crab Hollandaise.

2. Glaciers are noisy neighbours.

My stateroom opens onto my own private veranda, where I settle into my deck chair and a new state of inertia I dub “cruisin’ for a snoozin’.” As the ship navigates the fjord toward Glacier Bay, I prepare for one of the cruise highlights: calving glaciers. When the massive chunks of marbled blue ice break free and plunge dramatically into the sea below, I discover this spectacle has a rather thunderous audio component. With the unexpected soundtrack – consisting of roaring and crashing – the force of nature makes its presence felt, even from the luxury of this megaship.

3. Bingo can tell you a lot about a person.

If you’re stumped by having too many options, it can be difficult to decide what to do aboard the 1,850-passenger Westerdam. I overcome this difficulty by deciding to do everything – no mean feat considering there can be upwards of 50 activities a day (not including my requisite Deep Tissue Muscle Massage at the Greenhouse Spa & Salon). I find the naturalist quite edifying, but to truly understand Darwin, I decide to check out snowball jackpot bingo at the ship’s observation lounge, the Crow’s Nest. The competition is fierce, despite the efforts of Billy the bingo host to lighten the mood. The survival of the fittest of this round is a woman from New Jersey, whose superiority is anointed with bling: a diamond pendant.

4. Sea legs are real and necessary.

For decades, I laboured under the misconception that talk of sea legs was a lot of nonsense. Aboard the Westerdam, I quickly learn that not having sea legs means you stumble around looking like the gentleman from Deck 4 who clearly had one too many chocolate martinis. With them, you’re entitled to act like you were born to take on any seven seas adventure and say things like “yar” and “ahoy, matey!” as you, with sure footing, browse the midnight chocolate buffet. Sea legs also help in the Northern Lights Disco, where, despite the fact that DJ Mike won’t play the songs I request, I dance under the twinkling lights into the wee hours.

5. Magic can be real.

“This is as real as it looks!” the ship’s Illusionist tells the audience as he introduces the Spiker – a bed of nails in reverse, with the nail bed suspended ominously above a platform. The Illusionist – one of dozens of performers in the ship’s roster of live shows – is then strapped to the platform below 18 30-centimetre spikes by three cassocked figures, who look more than a little like Tolkien’s Nazgûl.

The Spiker and the magician are then shrouded in white, and we see the Illusionist’s silhouette briefly struggle to slip out of the straps before the bed of nails comes crashing down upon him. But wait! One of the Nazgûl has thrown off his cassock and is not a servant of Saruman but… the Illusionist! (Musical accompaniment: "You’re Unbelievable.")

(Dominique Ritter is the editor-in-chief of onAir. She wrote about Chicago in the September issue.)

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