Miami Beach… with children
By Arjun Basu

It’s easy to appreciate South Beach, Fla., as a high-energy, style-fuelled party zone, with wall-to-wall art deco hotels, restaurants and clubs. But what happens when you have kids? Can you still enjoy South Florida once you’ve made the switch from Bacardi to Barney – and without those long trips to, um, theme parks?

The answer is yes. You may not be bumping up next to the Beautiful People at CroBar or the Mansion (unless you’re fortunate enough to have a nanny), but you have your own beautiful person to take care of now – and there’s still lots to do.

Shopping
No one’s stopping you from shopping – not even your kids, especially if they think there’s a little something in it for them. A good place to start is the Lincoln Road Mall, a pedestrian artery that runs four blocks through the heart of South Beach. Buskers entertain the kids, oddly shaped Morris Lapidus sculptures line the way, and loads of gelaterias serve coffee and frozen treats. Then there are all those cool pizza joints, designer outlets, high-end kids’ boutiques and, yes, even some stunning examples of art deco. And if you still want to feel part of the scene, you can always nosh at Cafeteria, a trendy, bright, spacious eatery with furniture that has just the right combination of retro, hip and…white (in other words, the perfect furniture for tiny fingers covered in jam or chocolate or ketchup or any combination thereof). A few blocks south, Española Way (between Washington and Drexel) has a funkier, more Latino vibe. Both strips light up like Vegas every night.

Cafeteria, 546 Lincoln Rd., 305-672-3663

Eating
Food is the one area where you don’t have to sacrifice when with child. Miami depends heavily on tourism, so even the hippest eateries are remarkably kid friendly. But will junior enjoy savoury pulled pork tacos wrapped in mojito-marinated onion-cabbage salad in a loud, dark restaurant? Not really. And if junior’s not happy, neither are you.

Our suggestions: Joe’s Stone Crab is a South Florida institution. Family owned, open since 1913, this is the kind of place where smart aleck tuxedoed waiters dance around crowded tables with a choreography that would put the cast of Chicago to shame. The stone crab claws are exquisitely sweet, and the kids will love knowing that the crabs aren’t killed. (Only one claw is removed, and it regenerates within two years – a story cheerfully told in the colouring book all kids receive upon seating.) The key lime pie is homemade, tangy and sublime. The food arrives at your table within minutes, but be forewarned: The lineup to get in is tremendous. If you can’t wait, Joe’s Take Away is next door.

Up the coast, in Hollywood, is a joint serving what are arguably the best burgers in the world. No joke. Le Tub grills eight-ounce sirloin burgers that are nothing short of Hamburger Heaven. Located on the Intercoastal Waterway, the kids will have fun feeding the needle fish (hint: they only eat buns), and if you’re really lucky, a manatee will slowly swim by. The place looks like a dive, and it is. But you will never forget the burger for as long as you live. Another plus: no tourists whatsoever.

Originally a roadhouse in Pennsylvania, the silver car 11th St. Diner has been serving up comfort food in Miami Beach since 1944. Good eats (try the fried chicken), cheap kid-size side portions and a vaguely retro atmosphere add up to family fun.

Joe’s Stone Crab, 11 Washington Ave., www.joesstonecrab.com. Reservations not accepted.
Le Tub, 1100 N. Ocean Drive, Hollywood, 954-921-9425
11th St. Diner, 1065 Washington Ave., 305-534-6373

Kid stuff
Okay. You still have to do some kid stuff. But wouldn’t it be nice to visit theme parks that aren’t hellish ventures in resisting to buy as much cartoon tie-in merch as the factories of China can belch out? Try Parrot Jungle Island, home to, yes, parrots but also to monkeys, giant tortoises, the largest alligator in captivity (over six metres long!) and some fearsome-looking snakes. And it’s conveniently located just minutes from South Beach. A bit further afield, there’s the Miami Seaquarium (home to the latest incarnation of Flipper) and the Miami Metro Zoo, both well respected by naturalists and popular with families. Further still is Monkey Jungle (“Where humans are caged and monkeys run free!”) exactly what the name implies. If you really want to show the kids the real thing (and why not?), the Everglades are an hour away.

Parrot Jungle Island, 1111 Parrot Jungle Trail (MacArthur Causeway), 305-258-6453, www.parrotjungle.com
Miami Seaquarium, 4400 Rickenbacker Causeway, 305-361-5705, www.miamiseaquarium.com
Miami Metro Zoo, 12400 SW 152nd St., 305-251-0400, www.miamimetrozoo.com
Monkey Jungle, 14805 SW 216th St., 305-235-1611, www.monkeyjungle.com
Florida Everglades National Park, www.nps.gov/ever

Where to Stay
Even the trendiest South Beach hotels can accommodate kids. But the scene is loud, the pools small and direct beach access restricted. If you still want the boutique experience but don’t want the hassles or the noise (many South Beach hotel lobbies double as popular bars come nighttime), head north on Collins to The Palms South Beach, a beautifully restored deco property with a big pool, vast palm-dappled grounds, resident parrots and direct beach access. A daily breakfast buffet is conveniently served by the pool, and the poolside bar lets you enjoy a margarita while keeping an eye on the little ones. Boutique hotels usually mean small rooms, but those at the Palms are reasonably sized. Ask for the ocean-view rooms, and watch the sun set as the kids finally wind down and get some sleep.

The Palms South Beach, 3025 Collins Ave., 305-534-0505, www.thepalmshotel.com

Getting There
Air Canada offers 3 daily non-stop flights to Miami from Toronto, and daily non-stop flights from Montreal. Book now.